So a while back I decided to go see a doctor for what I believed to be postpartum depression. I didn't know who to see for it, so I decided to start by calling my OB/GYN to see who he recommended. I left a message for the doctor, but his nurse called me back. I told her my problem, that I hadn't felt like myself since Leigha was born blah, blah blah, and that I wanted to see a doctor and who did he recommend. She said she would talk to him and call me back later in the day. When she called back she told me that he didn't believe that it was PPD that it usually manifests itself shortly after delivery and I was more than likely suffering from plain ole depression and that he couldn't help me, but the nurse told me that if I sent her a copy of my insurance card that she would look up and find me a PCP who could see me...I never send the copy of the card.
Let me take a minute here and say that I realize that I just asked someone for help who had in the past proved to never really help me in the first place. He (or his staff) never really took my concerns seriously, that I was treated like a money maker for him and that I felt like I was never that important. Don't get me wrong I don't expect my doctors to see only me, but when a doctor doesn't give you reasonable explanations for questions other than "because I like them" or completely blows me off because he is getting ready to walk out the door, that's not a good doctor no matter if he is the chief of the OB/GYN dept at the hospital or not. I will NOT be going back to him ever. I have given the office several second chances and they have never met my expectations.
Going back to square 1, I looked up our insurance to see if the visits would be covered, they were. I looked up a doctor that was covered under our insurance, I found one. I called and made an appointment....and then I canceled it because as it turned out there was a misunderstanding concerning the start date of the coverage, it didn't start when we were told it would.
Fast forward a month and now we KNOW the insurance is effective. I look up that doctor and keep her phone number in my pocket for a week because I thought I was getting better. I felt better, I had a positive outlook on things, I thought the worst was over. But then the feeling of inadequacy came back. The dread of naptime and sleeping, the constant frustration and crying...mine and Leigha's...and I knew in that first few days that I really needed to make that appointment.
When I called the receptionist told me it would take 3 weeks to get me in. That was fine. I still had to get up the guts to actually go anyways. I was so afraid she would tell me what every other doctor and person I talked to said. That it was a chronic lack of sleep and that I needed to have someone take Leigha for a day or 2 and do nothing but rest.
This past week I had my first appointment. I talked, I cried, I told her that it had gotten easier but I still didn't feel like myself. I told her how I used to feel back when I was pregnant and how I feel now. I told her about Leigha and what a sweet girl she is and how I hate not feeling as bonded to her as I want to. She asked if anything made me happy, and I told her about Leigha's party this past weekend (that post is coming, I am waiting on pictures to come back) and that I was excited for our anniversary dinner later that night. I told her about Richard and how I was nervous at the beginning but he proves time and time again what a wonderful amazing husband he is and father he has become. She asked me what happened after Leigha was born and I told her about the rash and the colds and the flu and the not sleeping and the doctor telling me I needed more sleep and she listened the whole time.
She then told me that she believed that I do have what is now a mild case of postpartum depression. That it was probably much worse but that I was able to work my way through it and she has put me on medication. I go back in 3 weeks for a medication check. She wants it to get in my system then evaluate me again in a few weeks and make a plan from there.
This is day 3 on the medication and while I can't really tell a huge difference at the moment, I can tell that I feel more at peace. Leigha had a rough day yesterday and I didn't get upset or cry right along with her. I am starting to feel more like my old self every day. Its so nice to have a doctor that listens to me and wants to help me get better.
I'm getting back on track and THAT makes me REALLY happy!